Despre fumat, vopsirea parului si tatuaje. Dating=headhunting

“Ryan: You know that moment when you look into somebody’s eyes and you can feel them staring into your soul and the whole world goes quiet just for a second?
Natalie: Yes.
Ryan: Right. Well, I don’t.”

Headhuntingul si datingul au multe lucruri in comun.

Headhuntingul se face in general dupa un anumit algoritm, exista deci o metoda. Dar este doar un job. Viata profesionala este importanta, dar nu este totul*.

Datingul este insa o treaba serioasa pentru ca in urma “interviurilor” ne alegem “partenerul de viata”.

Oamenii isi petrec ani in sir cautandu-si “jumatatea” si daca ne gandim cat timp si cata energie investesc in aceasta cautare, concluzia ar fi ca majoritatea ar trebui sa se priceapa si sa ia decizia corecta.

Dar cate casnicii fericite cunoasteti?

Pearls before Swine by Stephan Pastis

Acum cativa ani, rata divorturilor in Bucuresti era pe undeva pe la 50% , asta inseamna ca bucuresteanul tipic in momentul in care decide sa se casatoreasca ar putea la fel de bine sa nu-si foloseasca deloc creierul, ci sa dea cu banul. Nu, nu la figurat . La propriu.

Ar fi la fel de eficient: are una din doua sanse s-o nimereasca.

Pearls before Swine by Stephan Pastis

Datingul este tot un fel de headhunting.

Fireste, am putea merge pana la a compara recrutarea si selectia pentru pozitiile entry level cu cautarea persoanelor care ne intereseaza doar dintr-un anumit punct de vedere (one-night-stand), headhuntingul pentru pozitii middle management cu cautarea persoanelor cu care avem afinitati si in fine, executive search-ul cu cautarea alesei/alesului.

Pearls before Swine by Stephan Pastis

Doar ca in general majoritatea se bazeaza pe noroc sau pe “plezneala”. Adica un fel de audaces fortuna juvat combinat cu “scoala vietii”.

Unii poate vor argumenta ca “doar cu inima vezi cu adevarat, esentialul ramane ascuns privirii”, vorba lui St Exupery. Din pacate, in general ajungem sa “vedem cu inima” dupa unul sau doua divorturi.

(L.E. Ultimul studiu spune ca divortul este contagios: daca un apropiat divorţează, riscul de a trece si tu prin aceeaşi poveste este de 75 la sută:

“Concluziile au fost trase după ce 12.000 de persoane au fost monitorizate pe o perioadă de 60 de ani. În plus, experţii au mai constatat că o despărţire nu-i marchează doar pe prietenii apropiaţi, ci chiar pe prietenii prietenilor, care-şi măresc astfel propriul risc de a divorţa până la 33 la sută. “Este periculos pentru mariaj şi să cunoşti prea multe persoane divorţate”, spune dr. Rose McDermott, de la Universitatea Brown.

Potrivit specialistului, când un prieten sau un apropiat divorţează, întreg conceptul de “despărţire” se schimbă în mintea prietenilor, chiar şi atunci când la mijloc se află copiii, “divorţul devenind deodată o alternativă nu chiar atât de rea sau greu de conceput”.

Potrivit statisticilor, 335.420 de procese de divorţ s-au înregistrat în perioada 2000 – 2008, iar anul 2007 a fost unul record în materie de divorţuri în România. În plus, Bucureştiul, Iaşiul şi Timişul sunt judeţele din ţară în care se înregistrează cele mai multe despărţiri.”)

Pearls before Swine by Stephan Pastis

In ritmul asta, intr-o zi la Oficiul Starii Civile s-ar putea sa scrie “Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch’entrate!”.

Pearls before Swine by Stephan Pastis

Un headhunter are un mare avantaj: in afara de pregatirea de specialitate, are la dispozitie informatii despre potentialul candidat (CV-uri, cont pe Linkedin, articole pe internet, pagina de Facebook si alte “tricks of the trade”).

In dating nu exista echivalentul CV-ului. Ce bine ar fi ca la prima intalnire fiecare sa vina cu un resume pe plan personal. Sa citim ceva gen:

” Relatii avute:

- 9 ianuarie 2000 – 15 februarie 2001 cu Gigel, fost coleg de liceu;

-  02:35, 15 februarie 2001 – 03:00, 15 februarie 2001 cu Ionel, patron si posesor de Mercedes.”

Din fericire, psihologia ne vine in ajutor.

Spuneam in gluma ca femeia ideala are pisica si ca pitzipoanca este usurica despre care scria Dawkins.

Cateva detalii aparent minore ne furnizeaza mai multe date despre personalitatea cuiva (ma refer la femei) decat un CV.

1. Fumatul excesiv

Ce-nseamna ca o persoana fumeaza mult?

Hans Eysenck, psiholog:

” (un fumator inrait) este socialbil, caruia ii plac petrecerile, care are multi prieteni, are nevoie sa stea de vorba cu oamenii…Este innebunit dupa situatiile incitante, isi asuma riscuri, actioneaza sub impulsul momentului si in genere este un individ impulsiv… Prefera sa fie mereu in miscare, sa faca tot felul de lucruri, are tendinta sa fie agresiv si sa-si iasa repede din fire; nu-si controleaza sentimentele si nu este intotdeauna o persoana de incredere.”

Malcolm Gladwell:

“S-a demonstrat ca fumatorii inveterati au un libido mult mai mare decat nefumatorii. Sunt mai precoce in plan sexual; resimt o mai mare “necesitate” de a intretine relatii sexuale si sunt mult mai atragatori in ochii sexului opus.”

Astea sunt partile oarecum mai bune.

Pearls before Swine by Stephan Pastis

Partile negative?

“In 1986, in urma unei cercetari desfasurate in Minnesota asupra unui numar de pacienti de la sectia de psihiatrie, tratati ambulatoriu, a iesit la iveala faptul ca jumatate dintre ei fumau, o cifra cu mult peste media nationala. Doi ani mai tarziu, Alexander Glassman, psiholog la Columbia university, a descoperit ca 60% dintre fumatorii inveterati pe care ii studia in cadrul unui proiect de cercetare cu totul diferit aveau la activ crize majore de depresie. El a continuat acest studiu cu un alt studiu important, publicat in Journal of the American Medical Association in 1990, desfasurat asupra a 3200 adulti alesi la intamplare. Dintre cei care, intr-un anumit moment al vietii lor, fusesera diagnosticati cu o tulburare psihiatrica majora, 74% fumasera pentru o anumita perioada. Dintre cei care nu fusesera niciodata diagnosticati cu vreo afectiune psihiatrica, 53% fumasera pentru o anumita perioada, iar 31% reusisera sa se lase de fumat. Cu cat problemele psihiatrice se agraveaza, cu atat corelatia lor cu fumatul devine mai stransa. Aproximativ 80% dintre alcoolici fumeaza. Aproape 90% dintre schizofrenici fumeaza.” Malcolm Gladwell

Exista deci o corelatie intre fumatul excesiv si depresie.

De multe ori fumatul excesiv este asociat si cu bautul cafelei, un alt obicei care, scapat de sub control, duce la depresie:

“On the other side of the coffee and depression coin, reports and studies published by various institutes and organizations also indicate that consuming too much coffee can lead to depression. For example, an article published by the Kansas State University indicates that people should try and reduce the overall consumption of coffee, because coffee only gives people a temporary kick, and what follows is to the contrary. It clearly suggests that caffeine in coffee has the ability to increase the release of insulin into the blood. And as most of us are aware, insulin reduces blood sugar levels, which makes people experience low energy levels, and feelings of depression might then set in.”

“The long-term (four hours or so) effects of caffeine are depression. Try to limit coffee to no more than one cup in the morning. Coffee can make you more alert for an hour or so, but later you get an opposite reaction. Caffeine tends to increase the release of insulin in the blood, and insulin lowers the blood sugar level. When you have low blood sugar levels, you begin to feel less sure of yourself, and have low energy levels, which can lead to the blues or depression. ” Kansas State University

Pearls before Swine by Stephan Pastis

Femeile depresive au anumite caracteristici (not that there’s anything wrong with that ):

“A survey of Melbourne women presented at an international mental health conference has concluded that females who suffer from mild to moderate depression have a third more sexual activity than those who are not.

They also had more sexually liberated attitudes, a bigger variety of sexual experiences and, if single, were more likely to partake in casual sex, Dr Sabura Allen, a clinical psychologist at Monash University, said.

“It was more sex and more of everything from kissing to petting, foreplay and intercourse,” said Dr Allen, who studied the recent sexual experiences of 107 depressed and non-depressed women who were in relationships.

“We knew this anecdotally from clinical samples but this is the first time it’s been shown in research.”

She said depressed women were likely seeking out sexual intimacy more often to help feel more secure.

“When people are depressed they feel more insecure about their relationships and concerned that their partner may not care about them or find them valuable,” Dr Allen said.

“Having sex helps them feel that closeness and security.”

Asked whether intercourse could be an effective balm for depression, the psychologist said “we really don’t know but we presume it helps as it gives these women opportunities to be close to their partner and loved.”

2. Schimbarea frecventa a culorii parului

De ce se vopsesc femeile?

Susan Quilliam, psiholog:

“Hair dying is something you do when you want to either change your image or give yourself a confidence boost. If you look at all the hair dye ads on TV, they’re about being confident enough to change your identity. Psychologically, when we hit a crisis, one of the ways to deal with it is to change who you are.”

Pearls before Swine by Stephan Pastis

- Un studiu facut la Hamburg Medical Research Institute indica faptul ca roscatele, nu blondele, have more fun. Asta indiferent daca sunt naturale, sau vopsite:

Dr. Werner Habermehl of the Hamburg Medical Research Institute in Hamburg, Germany says he examined the sex lives of hundreds of German women and compared the findings to their hair color, specifically red, blonde and brunette.

“The sex lives of women with red hair were clearly more active than those with other hair color, with more partners and having sex more often than the average,” Habermehl told London’s Daily Mail. “The research shows that the fiery redhead certainly lives up to her reputation.”

And if women dye their hair red? That means they’re signaling men that they’re looking for a sexual partner. “Even women in a fixed relationship are letting their partners know they are unhappy if they dye their hair red,” the professor told The Daily Mail. “They are saying that they are looking for something better.”

Psychologist Christine Baumanns told the British paper, “Red stands for passion and when a man sees a redhead he will think he is dealing with a woman who won’t mess around and gets straight to the point when it comes to sex.”

Pearls before Swine by Stephan Pastis

- Un alt studiu facut la Nottingham Trent University a descoperit o legatura intre vopsirea parului si sexualitate:

“The one of its kind study says the women who dye their hair blonde are more sexually active.

Lead researcher Dr Mark Sergeant and colleagues believe that blonde women are more confident and are more likely to initiate sex.

“Coloring your hair may seem like an art to most people, but there is actually a lot of science behind it,” said Dr Sergeant, “the changes we noted in the study participants’ behavior and psychology were significant.”

Dr Sergeant and colleagues reached their findings after studying 205 women aged between 25 and 66 who dyed their hair. In their study, the researchers found more than 50% of the study participants colored their hair simply to gain attention from strangers or be noticed by friends and co-workers.

“Not only were their confidence and mood levels elevated but also their inhibitions seemed to be mitigated with many reporting feeling more attractive and sexually exciting,” Dr Sergeant said, “there was a marked improvement in the ability to express their opinions and ask for things that they may not ask for ordinarily in a work environment.”

“Across the board participants viewed coloring their hair as something that raised their confidence. They were prepared to ask for things they wouldn’t normally be confident enough to ask for, such as pay rises or time off” he added.
The research, funded by the shampoo and hair dye company Clairol, could help explain the success and allure of some Hollywood beauties ranging from Marilyn Monroe and Lana Turner to Jessica Simpson and Kim Cattrall.”

Pearls before Swine by Stephan Pastis

- Un studiu facut de cercetatorii de la University of California afirma ca blondele (naturale sau vopsite) se simt mai speciale si sunt mai indraznete:

“A study by the University of California found that fair-haired women are more aggressive, determined, and ready to go to war than brunettes and redheads.

Why so tough? The demurely named “princess effect” — a sense of entitlement from years of being treated as special — is said to be the culprit. The study found that the more special a woman felt, the more likely she was to get angry in order to attain social goals. And most often, these women were blonde, though natural blondness was not necessary as those who dyed their hair were equally likely to feel special.

I wouldn’t reach for the bleach yet though. The study was small and the sample specific — 156 college women in Southern California. But it does seem to suggest one thing: hair color has nothing to do with personality and everything to do with buying into stereotypes.”

Pearls before Swine by Stephan Pastis

- In sfarsit, un studiu a descoperit ca uneori blondele se vopsesc in culori inchise pentru a fi luate in serios la locul de munca si ca roscatele traiesc intens :

“Researchers also found 62 per cent of people think brunettes look more professional than blondes in the workplace.
Dan Hadley of Superdrug, which commissioned the study, said: ‘The current economic climate is obviously making women take more care with their appearance at work, even down to their hair colour.
‘The study shows brunettes do seem to be taken more seriously in the work place which is causing a rise in fair headed women darkening their locks.
The study revealed 31 per cent of blonde women have gone brunette to appear more intelligent in the office.
It also emerged 38 per cent of fair-haired women believe their hair colour has held them back in their career in the past.
And those who have changed hair colour reckon it has paid off with 38 per cent believing they have been taken more seriously by their boss.
The survey of 2,500 women also revealed that almost a quarter have even been given a promotion.
Researchers found red heads have the most sex – enjoying a romp three times a week, compared to twice a week for brunettes.
Blondes emerged as the most adventurous in the bedroom, with a quarter saying they are open to trying new things and one in five having had sex in a field.
One in twenty even admitted to having sex on a train .
The poll also revealed that those with fair hair are most likely to have a one-night stand after 65 per cent of blondes admitted to sleeping with someone and not seeing them again.
Brunettes are least likely to have a one-off fling though with less than half saying they’ve had one.
And those with black hair are most likely to be unfaithful in a relationship with 44 per cent owning up to having an affair, compared to just 33 per cent of blondes.”

Trebuie retinut faptul ca aceste studii nu sunt facute in Romania, deci exista probabil anumite diferente. In afara de asta, rezultatele studiilor nu trebuie generalizate.

3. Multe tatuaje

Un studiu al Liverpool Hope University a dezvaluit ca multi dintre cei care se tatueaza dau dovada de stima de sine scazuta:

“The study found that people who had three or more tattoos were likely to have low self esteem.

Marie Randle, from Liverpool Hope University, who carried out the study, said: “The findings of this study suggest that tattoos are not just fashion accessories but driven by a wide range of motivational factors that are significantly associated with self-esteem.

“This strongly suggests that people consider getting tattooed should be encouraged to question their motivation before deciding to permanently change their appearance.”

Researchers questioned 48 people for the study, some of whom had tattoos covering much of their body.

They found that there were four main reasons why people got tattoos – to be rebellious, to belong to a group, for aesthetic reasons and because of a strong emotional attachment.

This last group was becoming ever more popular, Mrs Randle said.

She added that not everyone who had a tattoo had poor self-esteem and that Beckham was unlikely to fit the bill.

“I think that David Beckham would be the exception to the rule. We found that having tattoos was just one predictor of self-esteem and not everybody who has tattoos has low self-esteem.”

Pearls before Swine by Stephan Pastis

Alt studiu facut la Michigan Center for Forensic Psychiatry a descoperit o legatura intre tatuaje si ASPD.

(“ASPD is a mental disorder characterised by several psychological and behavioural phenomena, including a lack of empathy and remorse, a low tolerance for anxiety, and shallowness. People with ASPD prefer action to thought, and pathological lying, cheating, stealing, physical aggression and drug abuse are not uncommon. To be diagnosed with ASPD, the individual must have developed this behaviour before the age of 15, and as such is qualitatively different from the idea of a scheming, dishonest business person or politician, unless the behaviour began earlier in life.”)

“Psychiatrists from the Michigan Center for Forensic Psychiatry studied 36 male inpatients, and found a link between tattoos and antisocial personality disorder. Further, these psychiatrists found that suicide attempts, substance abuse, and sexual abuse may be more common in forensic psychiatric inpatients with tattoos.”

Of the patients studied, 15 had tattoos and 17 were diagnosed as having ASPD. Of those with tattoos, 11 of 15, or 73%, had ASPD, whereas only six of 21, or 29%, of those without tattoos had the same diagnosis. The research also uncovered an increased likelihood for those with tattoos to have previously suffered from sexual abuse, abused substances or to have attempted suicide.

“Our findings suggest that forensic psychiatric inpatients with tattoos are significantly more likely to suffer from ASPD than those without tattoos, and patients with ASPD were also significantly more likely to have higher numbers of tattoos, a larger percentage of their body covered with tattoos, and tended to have tattoos in more visible locations” said lead researcher Dr. William Cardasis, of CFP, Michigan. “I hope that this provides clues for clinicians to look for ASPD in forensic psychiatric patients with tattoos, and also to look for signs of suicide attempt, substance abuse, and sexual abuse.”

“One should keep in mind that the population studied was only a small segment of the population, and not indicative of what may or may not be relevant in the general population” added Cardasis. “Other interesting questions which this research raises include whether adolescents with tattoos are more likely to conduct disorder than those without, and what effect the meaning and subject content of the tattoo has.”

Pearls before Swine by Stephan Pastis

Concluzia? Femeile care fumeaza mult, isi schimba frecvent culoarea parului si au tatuaje have lots of fun. Dar pe termen scurt. Pe termen lung au o viata tumultoasa (ca sa ma exprim elegant ).

In anumite cazuri, doua dintre cele trei puncte sunt suficiente.

Pearls before Swine by Stephan Pastis

Nota *

“How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you’re carrying a backpack. I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life… you start with the little things. The shelves, the drawers, the knickknacks, then you start adding larger stuff. Clothes, tabletop appliances, lamps, your TV… the backpack should be getting pretty heavy now. You go bigger. Your couch, your car, your home… I want you to stuff it all into that backpack. Now I want you to fill it with people. Start with casual acquaintances, friends of friends, folks around the office… and then you move into the people you trust with your most intimate secrets. Your brothers, your sisters, your children, your parents and finally your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend. You get them into that backpack, feel the weight of that bag. Make  no mistake your relationships are the heaviest components in your life. All those negotiations and arguments and secrets, the compromises. The slower we move the faster we die. Make no mistake, moving is living. Some animals were meant to carry each other to live symbiotically over a lifetime. Star crossed lovers, monogamous swans. We are not swans. We are sharks. “

“For a woman, lying is a protection. She protects the truth, so she protects her chastity.”

“Whenever there is any doubt, there is no doubt.”